Tattie Attack

9 01 2015

Surely an early candidate for newspaper headline of the year is this one from The Scotsman on 7th January.

Clydebank man charged over drive-by potato attacks

The story is just as bizarre.

A CLYDEBANK man has been charged in connection with three assaults after a spate of drive-by potato attacks.

The 18-year-old was charged following three separate incidents in which potatoes were allegedly thrown at pedestrians from a car in the Clydebank area.

Two people were injured during the attacks, which took place on December 29.

A 13-year-old girl had a potato thrown at her on Mountblow Road, leaving her with serious facial bruising while a second woman said she thought she had been shot.

The NHS worker, 32, who did not want to be named, told the Clydebank Post that she ‘keeled over’ in the middle of the street outside the Twisted Thistle pub on Dumbarton Road after being struck by a raw baking potato and a tub of coleslaw.

She added: “I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous. In my line of work you hear a lot of crazy stories but this tops them.

“I was so shocked – it was terrible. I actually thought I had been shot by a BB gun.”

Inspector Natalie Doherty, of the Clydebank Community Investigation Unit, confirmed that officers were pursuing a positive line of inquiry in connection with a second man.

She added: “Whilst initially the males involved may have deemed this a boyhood prank, the consequences were clearly not considered and as a result two females including a 13-year-old child have been left injured.”

Only in Scotland…


Bear Necessities

6 01 2015

The mailing list continues to throw up the odd gem:

Hi all,

Found in a drawer… A brand-new pair of football boots to suit a dress-up teddy bear. Free to the first responder.

Xmas Turkey

22 12 2014

From today’s Herald

Scottish SPCA called out to aid of injured parrot that turned out to be Christmas hat

An animal charity called to the aid of what was believed to be an injured parrot was surprised to discover the “bird” was actually a Christmas hat.

A woman called the Scottish SPCA after she spotted what she thought was an injured creature while driving home in Aberdeen on Friday.

But when Scottish SPCA animal rescue officer Karen Hogg arrived at the scene she found the call-out had been caused by a knitted hat lying in the middle of the city’s Great Western Road.

Ms Hogg said: “It’s fair to say the lady who called was mortified when I called her back to tell her it wasn’t actually a parrot.

“When she was on her way home from the shops, she thought she saw an injured bird on the road. The hat has green holly which she assumed was the body and a red bobble sticking out which she thought was the parrot’s head.

“As the lady was driving at the time she wasn’t able to stop and get a good look so called to alert us.

“When I got there it was a nice surprise to find there wasn’t an animal in danger and I must admit it gave me a bit of Christmas cheer.”

She added: “The hat is now being safely looked after at our centre in Drumoak. If anyone recognises the hat they are welcome to come and collect it.

“Although this incident turned out to be a false alarm, we’d always encourage people to give us a call if they think an animal is in need of help.”

The Scottish SPCA is urging anyone who finds an animal in danger or distress to helpline on 03000 999 999.

Funny Old Bird

25 09 2013

Another gem from the mailing list.

Hi all,

Anyone have a rubber chicken they no longer need that they might be willing to part with? 

You couldn’t make these up.

Mad Axeman

29 10 2012

Sign me up for this!

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Slim Chance

5 10 2012

Slim chance is the phrase that came to mind when I read this wanted ad:

I am new PhD student looking for a room in girls flat provided that:
No smoking in the flat
No alcohol consumption in the flat
No boy friends around
No animals allowed
Cleanliness is essential

Remember this is a student flat that we are talking about…

Some Things Just Make Me Laugh

28 09 2012

Like the repetition of this sentence which has been cut and pasted into numerous lines on a spreadsheet.

Review and develop quality sytems

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